You wonderful human! You have the courage to attempt to teach the adolescents of the 21st Century, even when they disrupt class and disrespect you and the other students in your room. Worry not. There are MANY things that can be done to help you. You just have some decisions to make. Below, I've given you my "take" on how to handle many difficult situations. Please put what seems rational and usable into your "backpack" of ideas to try.
One: These students are still coming to school, though they are not choosing to use school/learning behaviors with you at this point. That means to me that they still want an education, somewhere down in their psyches. They haven't dropped out yet.
Two: They're still coming to your class -- same explanation. They could be skipping your class every day. If they were unhappy enough, they would be doing that. That they are coming means to me that somewhere inside, they want to learn English (or whatever subject you're attempting to teach them). This is not necessarily a conscious choice on their part. But as professionals, we can recognize their choice for what it probably means.
Three: They are behaving this way for a few reasons. First, they believe that teachers/administrators are trying to FORCE them to learn so they are resisting to get their power needs met. This is an excellent strategy to get a short-term power need met. Long term, it's a terrible way to get your power needs met because you'll probably have a lot less power without an education and without the behavior skills to stay in school (or to do just about anything important in life) productively. Secondly, they probably think that showing off their resistance behaviors makes them "cool" in some way and they're getting their short term power needs met yet again by "impressing" peers. Also, they probably have little practice using different behaviors. They may not have been exposed to them at home, or anywhere else in their lives. They may have been using these behaviors since they were children, so they have little access to different behaviors and think that these types of behaviors are "who I am." They might think, "Everyone in my family yells and curses and throws things and uses violence, so it's normal for us. It's in my blood." Finally, they may believe that they are not capable of graduating from high school, so they've given up and are coasting and using these behaviors to mask the pain of failure. These behaviors might make it seem that they don't care. Certainly, that's the common refrain of resistant kids, "I don't care about this/you/books...."
Four: These behaviors are very well designed to get teachers "off their backs," as far as academic success is concerned. Many teachers would just choose to leave these resistant students alone, praying for them to be absent, or asleep in class, so there will be a chance to give time to the other students. Because of that, the "problem students" probably have very few academic skills, or spotty skills, which means that if they DO choose to begin working, others might see that schoolwork is not easy for them. Others might see them struggling. That's definitely not "cool." Better to resist than to struggle. Struggling probably does not, yet, feel safe for these students.
Five: The only way to turn this around that I know of is to begin to create a good relationship with these kids. This doesn't mean getting out of their way. Abandonment doesn't convey love and caring. Standing up to these behaviors in a loving way conveys love and caring. Every single time they use behaviors that disrupt your class, you need to stop and talk about it, hopefully in a way they can begin to understand. For instance, you could say, "I'm really glad, John, that you came to school today and to class. I'm looking forward to working with you. Do you think the behaviors you're using now are helping you earn credit or hurting you?" If he says some kind of resistance comment like, "FU," or "I don't care about school," do your absolute best not to take it personally. His behavior choices have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. He's the one walking around unable to speak in a respectful way. He's the one who's going to have a rough life and a lonely one if he doesn't figure out how to relate to people better than this. He just doesn't know that yet. You do. So, you're his lifeline to happiness. Don't give up when he pushes you away. Don't feel disgruntled. Just feel eager and challenged to help him. For instance, you could now say, "John, when you say FU to me, I feel sad because I would like to see you graduate. I'm pretty sure that's why you're still coming to school. Do you intend to graduate?" Then listen. He probably will say, "Duh...." or something like that. "I wouldn't be showing up at this stupid school every day if I didn't think I was going to graduate." This is a wonderful answer. Now, you can say something like, "GREAT! I'm really glad to hear you say that. I will feel very happy to see you walk across that stage and get that diploma, feeling strong for having made it through all the junk students have to wade through to graduate. I would be glad to help you graduate in any way I can."
Have this conversation with him even if everyone else in class seems to be ignoring you and messing around. Have this conversation because they all KNOW that this is a loving, caring thing to say. They're all really listening to how you talk to him and they recognize the TRUTH when they hear it. They all know that you're telling that student something true and that you're not backing down when he said, "FU" and you're not just ignoring it, nor are you flustered because he said it. They all will see that you went past the language to the truth. You spoke something important that was true, even though he was disrespectful to you. That will show them your courage and they'll come to respect it, after you show it over and over again. They'll need to see that you are not going to abandon them because of this behavior. You are not going anywhere. They cannot scare you out of the classroom, or out of the school. You're going to teach them English (etc.), right after they choose to use learning behaviors. And you're not going to be angry at them and take their behaviors personally. You're going to see them as perfectly capable of using respectful behaviors 100% of the time, because they are and that's the truth. When they want to, they always do.
If you can get further than this in a day, you can say, "I don't think I've figured out how to be the best teacher for you yet, John, because you're still talking to me with cursing and you still seem not to be paying much attention in class. If you intend to pass this class to graduate, what plan do you have to do that? I don't think that while you're cursing at me and talking to your friends you're getting very close to credit. You probably have some very interesting opinions to share about the issues we're talking about and I would like to see you get involved and earn this credit. How can I help you do that?"
If you've gotten this far, it's only because you've now begun to get his attention. And probably the attention of others in class. For instance, today, I was doing a workshop with about 26 kids in the room. They were all new to our school and many of them had not yet had me in a class. They began to trot out their disruptive behaviors, starting with goofing off and ignoring me when I tried to begin and making jokes out of everything I said. No throwing things or cursing, but we were just getting started. I just reached out to one of them, whose name I already knew, and said, "Josh, I worked hard on this workshop to show all of you your rights here in this school. I'm your advocate to support you if something goes wrong for you here. I need everyone to be treating me with respect so I can show you what you need to know to be successful. Are you willing to let me move forward and to treat me with respect?" If he had said no, then I would have said, "Thanks for being honest. Please go to Choices." (Choices is a program at our Glasser Quality School that helps students figure out a plan to be successful in class.) You can say, "Thanks for being honest. Please go to the office," or whatever your options are. I would recommend that you set up a group of other teachers who are geographically near your classroom during this period and ask them if you can send a student to sit in their room as a preliminary step before sending them on to the office. You can do the same for the other teacher. This gives everyone, especially the kids, a breather to think through choices. This question, "Are you willing to let me move forward and treat me with respect?" is an essential question for getting along with tough kids. It draws a clear line and asks for a commitment. 100% of the kids in the room know that if he says, "No," or "FU," he's going out of the room. Period. There is no negotiating with his stance, if you ever want to have a working classroom. Everyone knows this. The administrator will know this when he asks the kid why he's there, even though he didn't hit anyone or break anything. When the kid tells the administrator, she asked me if I was willing to treat her with respect and let her teach, and I said no," that gives the administrator clear information, too. No one can really argue with your requirement to be treated with respect so you can go forward.
But you CAN'T keep trying to teach through any of this behavior. Ignoring it will never work (or has never worked for me, or anyone I've ever heard of.) And ignoring it and tolerating it with nothing but some nagging means that you go home at the end of the day feeling stepped on and abused and helpless and furious and frustrated and like tearing your hair out and like never coming back again and like quitting teaching forever. At least, that's how I feel when I let someone get away with mistreating me in the classroom.
I've found that even if we don't get anything at all done, content-wise, in a class period, but we stopped because of the behavior choices others are making, and I did my best to help students choose behaviors that will lead to staying in class and using learning behaviors, then, even if they don't achieve them that day, I can go home feeling much better because I stopped and began to work on them.
If kids who are wanting to participate get frustrated that class is halted, you can say, "Are you frustrated that other members of this class aren't using behaviors that would allow us to have a good discussion, or to get work done?" Let them dump for a second. Then say, "I'm not frustrated. That's because learning how to work as a team is the very first part of all good classrooms, no matter what the subject is. I want to see 100% of the people in this room learn this subject and improve the quality of their lives so they can respect themselves for the high level of knowledge and complex understanding they have. I don't mind spending some time in this class learning how to get along, how to trust each other, how to listen to each other with respect. If we don't have that going on in here, nothing of value will ever go on. But look around you. The world is often pretty violent. Many people don't listen to each other, don't respect each other, hurt each other. It's hard to learn how to behave differently. We're asking a lot out of each other to get along and to create a safe, respectful environment. But to me, it's the most important thing we can work on. I would really love your help with it, but if you want to sit and read or work on a special project we can design just for you, while we're working this out, I'll be happy to give you some class credit for that. I appreciate your patience while we work out how to get along with each other. I think it will pay off for all of us in the end and that we'll all look forward to hanging out together during 4th period. That's why I have the patience to keep talking with everyone in this room until we have a plan to try. I know we can learn how to be happier working together if we stick with it."
If some students insist on behaviors that keep you from even being able to talk, as long as they're not violent, I think I would probably let them get it out of their system, watch them clearly with strong, confident, courageous eyes, and say -- right through the middle of their temper tantrums -- "Wow! You seem to have a lot of anger to work out. It must be very difficult to make it through a class when you're holding on to that much anger. I really appreciate your choosing to come to school when you have these strong feelings and this difficulty doing classwork. I think that takes courage. Let me know when you're done with these behaviors so that I can move forward with class. How long do you think you'll need to be this upset?"
You must say this with a 100% loving, caring tone. You can't be sarcastic, fearful, or even impatient or frustrated when you say it. (I know that sounds superhuman, but IMHO, that's what teachers are.. :-) When you say this, everyone in the room suddenly realizes that this student, or these students are choosing this behavior. It's not inevitable. You've pointed out that it's a huge anger (again speaking the truth.) You're not angry back. (Another choice that proves your courage). You're being loving and patient (something they probably haven't seen anyone do in the midst of someone having a temper tantrum.)
If they say something like, "I can keep this up forever," or "until the bell rings," then you can say, "I'm willing to wait another minute or two, but I would like to get back to teaching soon, so if you need longer than that, do you need to go over to Ms. Smith's class to cool down for a few minutes? I can arrange that. Or would you like to sit in the back of the room here for a few minutes until you can calm down? I'm happy to organize that for you."
If they say, "I'm not going anywhere or sitting anywhere. Too bad for you!" Then you can say, "I'm sorry to hear that because I'd really like to keep you in class today. I don't even really believe in ISS (or whatever they have at your school) and detention and I would prefer to avoid them, but if you are going to keep this behavior up, I owe it to the other students, and to myself, to find you another place to be and I'm going to send you to the office. Do you need to go to the office rather than stay here and work with us in class? Which choice seems best to you?"
If they say, "FU!" Then you say, "Please go to the office" and follow whatever procedure they tell you. You have to have the courage to send them one right after the other if more than one do the same. Administrators will probably "red-flag" you as having some issues with managing student behavior, but everyone is a first year teacher once. If it's a decent school, they'll understand that you're doing your best to support some tough kids. These particular kids are probably giving everyone a hard time. If you stand your ground, politely but firmly, and tell the principal/assistant principal what you are doing to keep them in class, what systems you have worked out, they will be impressed, I'm sure and if you are speaking to them with confidence, they will feel they can trust you, most likely, and give you a chance to figure it out. They aren't going to want to see you fail. They've got time and money invested in your success.
You have a lot to offer those resistant kids. You can't make them stop their behaviors, but you can help them learn a new way of thinking that will lead them out of those behavior choices. Once they realize that you are someone whose opinion they value, they won't want to choose disrespect toward you. They won't want to disrupt the class because they are feeling understood, even cherished. When you finally have the class working together as a strong team, the sky's the limit with your academic accomplishments and any time lost working out behavior issues will be regained quickly as you move forward together.
Working with at-risk kids is challenging, to say the least, but it's also exceptionally rewarding. When a student comes by after school or at lunch to say, "Thanks for caring enough not to let me get away with that anger stuff. I really appreciate it. My girlfriend appreciates it, too," you may well feel that all your effort was worth it.
Love,
Charlotte Wellen
